Imagine this scene….
You and your baby are playing in the living room. Everything is going great. You are stacking blocks together, knocking them down and rebuilding them. You even catch yourself thinking,
“Wow! We are having so much fun!”
Then… (seemingly out of nowhere), your little one picks up a block, throws it and starts crying.
You look around to see if you’ve missed something.
You ask them “What’s wrong?”
You try to console them but are met with more crying and maybe even hitting or pushing.
You feel helpless and you can tell you’re getting anxious, too!!!
Does this scenario sound familiar to you? If you’re nodding your head yes, I’m here to remind you that you’re not alone -, it happens to us all.
Knowing your baby is frustrated, but not knowing how to help them leaves you feeling helpless.
It’s in these moments that adding a few simple tweaks can make a big difference.
Signs Your Child is Frustrated
When children are not able to communicate their frustration with words, they sometimes resort to other behaviors that communicate their frustration. These behaviors can look like:
- Hitting
- Crying
- Kicking
- Whining
- Throwing things
- Biting
While our children use these actions to attempt to communicate their feelings, they can cause overwhelming and stressful situations for everyone involved. Let’s talk about a few different ways to help your child when they’re feeling frustrated.
What Causes Frustration
Imagine having so many things inside your head that you want to share and not being able to share them.
This is frustration at its core.
Your toddler has so many thoughts and ideas inside that little head, and they just don’t have the ability to tell you what they want, yet.
Frustration comes from being:
- Tired
- Hungry
- Overstimulated
- Unable to communicate
All of these scenarios can lead to frustration for adults, too.
Now think about being inside that little body and not being able to get all of your thoughts out. It makes total sense why your child has moments of frustration.
Ways Your Child May Communicate Their Frustration:
- Crying
- Screaming
- Banging
- Pushing
- Throwing
- Hitting
- Biting
With frustration comes so many negative words.
Let’s reframe this a little bit.
Think about it this way…
ALL BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION
If we look at these behaviors through a new perspective, it really helps us to understand our little ones and what they are trying to tell us. Instead of thinking about frustration as a negative instance we can think about it as an opportunity for communication.
What is our little one trying to tell us?
When our little one is…
- Crying
- This could mean: “I’m frustrated because I want the BLUE car, not the red one.”
- Pushing someone
- This might be your toddler’s way of saying: “I’m all done with that. Please stop.”
- Throwing a block
- This might be them telling you: “I don’t want to share this with you.” (but I don’t know how to tell you so now neither of us get it)
Looking for the WHY your child is showing signs of frustration rather than ‘how to make it stop’ can be a game changer.
How to help your toddler when they are frustrated
The biggest obstacle when your child is frustrated is helping them move from frustration to calm.
Once your child is calm, then we can work on communication.
Every child is different, so what works to help calm one frustrated child, might excite another. You, as their parent, will need to experiment with different ways to help calm them to know what works best.
BUT since ALL BEHAVIOR IS COMMUNICATION and we know that most frustration stems from an inability to communicate, focusing on communicating can really help.
Before we can focus on communication, we have to help our child through that moment of frustration.
When your child is frustrated… This is not the time to teach.
This is the time to help them calm their bodies so they can get to a place where they can communicate with you.
I want you to think about two key things during these moments of frustration:
1. Use short and powerful phrases.
Talking too much can be overwhelming to a child when they are already in a state of frustration. They are not in a place where they can take in (or give) a lot of information.
Focus on short phrases with powerful words.
Instead of: “I know you are sad and frustrated. Mommy is here to help you. Tell mommy what is wrong.”
Try this: “You are sad. Mommy can help.”
2. Reduce their overwhelm
Just like too many words can be overwhelming, too much “stuff” (noise, people, lights, toys, etc) can be overwhelming to your child. Your goal is to get them to a place (physically or emotionally) that is no longer overwhelming.
Instead of: Insisting your toddler to show you what they want or need
Try this: Give your toddler a big hug and move to a calmer and quieter space
Using powerful words and helping to reduce the overwhelm for your child, can help get them to a place where they are ready to communicate with you.
How to help your child when they are NOT Frustrated
We’ve finally gotten to the part where we can teach you how to prevent or reduce frustration. Remember DURING the moments when your child is frustrated, is NOT the time to focus on communication.
The time to focus on communication is separate from the moments of frustration.
My golden rule: TAKE IT TO PLAY
Children learn through imitation. The best way to encourage imitation is during play.
When your child is actively engaged in a play activity, book, song or everyday moment, this is the time to model the communication tools they can utilize in life, specifically during moments of frustration.
And don’t forget, repetition is your friend. Practice our suggested signs and strategies over and over and over.
How to Use Sign Language to Communicate Frustration
We recommend introducing a few functional signs that will help your little one communicate what they need from you when they are frustrated.
When a child is frustrated, communication (specifically words) are the first thing to “go”. Signs are easier and more accessible in those moments. Modeling and using signs during play and your everyday activities will go a long way to helping your child communicate with you DURING moments of frustration.
Signs to Model for Your Child:
- Help
- Wait
- Stop
- All Done
- My Turn/Your Turn
We created a free download to teach you how to model these signs for your child, complete with video descriptions of these signs. Grab it HERE!
Model these signs during play, when reading books and when singing songs. The key here is to use these signs often and every time you say these words. Model them in specific situations that might cause frustration for your child. DO NOT wait until a moment of frustration and try to introduce a sign to help. I promise it will not go well.
Let Us Help You
Here at Communication Junction, we LOVE to empower parents by giving them the tools they need to support their children’s spoken language skills through ASL classes for kids.
If you’re seeing your child’s frustration increase and notice it’s because they just don’t have the communication skills to tell you what they want, then I invite you to join us in one of our classes. We will spend 8 weeks teaching you signs to pair with functional words, tools to use to facilitate communication and tips for helping your little start talking.
